Bandwidth is a bitch. Due to the horrible horrible bandwidth here at the hotel I'm staying at the broadcast from USTREAM was a bust today, and after hours of trying to find any other way of doing it, I've just decided to make another run at it tomorrow. If I cannot do it tomorrow as well I'll just record a broadcast and post it here for all to see.

Sorry for that, and frankly you can blame the Army and their hotels.

Check it tomorrow.

Mathematical Proof that my Blogs must contain the truth

GIVEN: 

• Blogs = x Life = y
  • I write Blogs about my Life.
  • x = y
• Life = y funny = z
  • My life is pretty damn funny.
  • y = z
• funny = z hurts = a
  • In general what I think of is so funny it hurts.
  • z = a
• hurts = a truth = b
  • The truth hurts
  • a = b
• So using this premise, x = y = z = a = b
  • All variables are given
  • All variables exist in real life
  • All variables != 0
  • The x = b

THEREFORE:

• x must be equal to b
  • where x = blogs and b = truth
  • blogs = truth
• My Blogs must contain the Truth.

Let me just start by asking, "How many people does it take to realize that, YES, the network is down?" Well, while many of you may not care, and many more are just saying ONE, you just send an email. . . it is not the case . . . especially when every sales person, plus a few techs were lined up by my office this morning like they were waiting for Government cheese, all to ask if the network was down. What's worse is that even though the guys I just answered had to walk by their commrades in order to make it back to their seats, none of them passed along the information . . . so after the first 10 people pushed their way in I wanted to severely beat them all. Here's the conversation.

ME:  crap, the network is acting up again.

BOSS:  whats going on?

ME:  well, the internet isn't ...

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The differences in what I did yesterday versus today

YESTERDAY

5am -- wake up and think "Man, today is going to suck . . . again"

7am -- drive to work, passing all the local crazy slow drivers

8am -- arrive at work and get coffee, smoke cigarette

9-11am -- fixed several computer / network / copier problems

12-4pm -- on phone with customers fixing computer problems, while simultaneously solving a Rubik's cube (just one of my many talents)

5pm -- drive home, passing the local crazies . . . wait didn't I do that at 5am?

6pm -- arrive home and think about what I can do to amuse myself at work.

TODAY

5am -- Awake in a flash ready to put my plan in motion

7am -- drive to work exceptionally fast, must put plan in motion

8am -- arrive at break room, "Operation 'switch decaf with caffeinated' is a go"

8:45am -- some walks in . . . DRAT!! act natural  **whistle**

8:46am -- they talk ...

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Info-graphics are all the rage nowadays. That's why I figured, I'd get in on it while the getting's good . . . and while I wait for more conversations . . . and because my therapist thought this would be a great way for me to self-heal and stuff (I don't really have a therapist), Honestly. I'd have to say that this might as well be a Polaroid of my face, if Polaroids came out as pie-charts based on a person.

Now Laugh and think of me. :)

Arthur C. Clarke's three laws apply to my everyday life: Here's how.

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is probably wrong. 
   • When my boss says something is possible it means that I should do it immediately, When I  say it's impossible it means I'm just doing it wrong.
2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
   • In this case when they can't find the possible the only way to push through the impossible is to break it and give it to me. Figuring things out is for losers and salesmen.
3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
   • In this case my personal cell phone must look like a fairy's fucking magic wand ...

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Meanwhile in a meeting this morning . . .

Meeting Leader:  ...And we need the computer and the program up by the end of this month.

ME:  End of the month, got it!

Meeting Leader:  That's the spirit Wes! Can . . . . you . . . . . do it!

ME:  Can the Millennium Falcon make point 5 past light speed? Can Captain James T. Kirk get the green alien girls!?

Everyone in the Meeting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

ME:  I Think I can.

Meeting Leader:  Excellent

 

I think I'm going to cry, Excellent Sci-Fi Culture responses . . . given the silent smackdown . . . now I just have to make it through the day.

USER:  I like these new phones, but the old Black Berry USB cable will not work in them.

(we have HTC Touch Pro 2's, which use a different connector, but still work with mini USB)

ME:  Why would you want to use that cable with it any way? And it will work, it's reverse of the Black Berry . . . up means down.

USER:  I've tried it every which way, it won't work.

ME: Still, why do you want to use that cable?

USER:  so I can have one here and another at home.

ME:  Fair enough, it will work, I promise.

USER:  No it won't

ME:  seriously? I have an HTC, which uses the same connector as your and WILL work with the Black Berry.

USER:  I don't believe you.

ME:  Fine, give me the cable and you can just do without it.

USER:  No ...

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Recently my office has undergone a HUGE upgrade from BlackBerries to HTC Touch Pro 2's. Now while this is by no means an incredible technical advancement it has provided me with some funny instances of "can you tell me" syndrome, and "look-what-I-can-do-ology" from all of my Tech's that I support.

Like I said before this is by no means anything beyond technological advancements of the normal world, but for a bunch of 50-something technicians (some of them are in their 20's) getting all of this "new fangled" technology is both a god-send and torture in the most complete sense of the words (haha I said sense, which is the name of the user interface for the touch pro . . . no pun intended)

I have had everything in the past few days, funny and scary. Just about 3 hours ago I witnessed two of the older technicians showing off ...

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You know, when I'm trying to migrate data from one computer to the next and you are not here; it's always best to decrypt your data. I know how you may just want to hide those "financial reports" and those "vacation pictures" from prying eyes, but seriously, what are you encrypting when all of the proposals and information are saved in an unencrypted format on a network drive? Seriously I don't care if you have "nudie pics" of your wife / girlfriend in that encrypted folder, what I do care about is the fact that you made me waste my time un-encrypting them (sales people use easy passwords btw . . . think default).

 

Just because you made me waste 20 minutes hunting down and 20 minutes un-encrypting (I have to guess passwords after all) I'm going to take those pictures and put them on my hard drive as "insurance".