Bandwidth is a bitch. Due to the horrible horrible bandwidth here at the hotel I'm staying at the broadcast from USTREAM was a bust today, and after hours of trying to find any other way of doing it, I've just decided to make another run at it tomorrow. If I cannot do it tomorrow as well I'll just record a broadcast and post it here for all to see.

Sorry for that, and frankly you can blame the Army and their hotels.

Check it tomorrow.

Let me just start by asking, "How many people does it take to realize that, YES, the network is down?" Well, while many of you may not care, and many more are just saying ONE, you just send an email. . . it is not the case . . . especially when every sales person, plus a few techs were lined up by my office this morning like they were waiting for Government cheese, all to ask if the network was down. What's worse is that even though the guys I just answered had to walk by their commrades in order to make it back to their seats, none of them passed along the information . . . so after the first 10 people pushed their way in I wanted to severely beat them all. Here's the conversation.

ME:  crap, the network is acting up again.

BOSS:  whats going on?

ME:  well, the internet isn't ...

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USER:  I like these new phones, but the old Black Berry USB cable will not work in them.

(we have HTC Touch Pro 2's, which use a different connector, but still work with mini USB)

ME:  Why would you want to use that cable with it any way? And it will work, it's reverse of the Black Berry . . . up means down.

USER:  I've tried it every which way, it won't work.

ME: Still, why do you want to use that cable?

USER:  so I can have one here and another at home.

ME:  Fair enough, it will work, I promise.

USER:  No it won't

ME:  seriously? I have an HTC, which uses the same connector as your and WILL work with the Black Berry.

USER:  I don't believe you.

ME:  Fine, give me the cable and you can just do without it.

USER:  No ...

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To all of you who are MAC users and know how to use a MAC don't worry this does not apply to you. For all of you who use a MAC just so you can join the ranks of people who know what they are doing, you should just go back to windows . . . PLEASE!! If you are unsure here is a list of what you can do so that you too can be a member of the group of people I despise.

1.  When your IT support arrives, mention that you got a MAC so that you can stick it to the man (Microsoft) because MAC is way better, then be prepared to offer no support as to how you have it set up.

2.  Utilize the background ability to change pictures, set it to change pictures at the smallest interval so as to give your computer that "I ...

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ME: So, it's not printing at all?

USER (over phone):  No, deary it's not doing anything, it's broke and I hate this machine. you need to come out here and fix this darn contraption.

ME:  well I'll be out there in about 20 minutes.

USER: Well, you better be, this thing isn't worth the money we pay and I'm going to take it out on YOU!

ME:  Sorry to hear that ma'am I'll get it fixed in a jiffy.

USER:  you aren't on your way yet!?

ME:  I'm going out the door, goodbye.

****This place I swear is the Scientology world children recruiting center, it's a church apparently****

ME (onsite):  Hi ma'am I'm here to fix your machine.

USER:  okay, let's go!

***Down the hall, past biometric security that would put the White House to shame ...

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Conversation of the Day:

USER:  I need help, my laptop doesn't work properly (drops laptop on my desk).

ME:  Okay, let's have a look-see at what may be the matter.

USER: Whatever happens, I found it that way.

ME: ...

USER: No, really!

ME: There is almost a hole where your "H" key used to be!

USER: I found it that way?

ME: Try again?

USER: I dropped it.

ME: And again?

USER:  I got angry . . . at one of my friends on Facebook.

ME: You got angry, and took it out on the "H" key?

USER: It wasn't my fault!

ME: Why?

USER: My friend called me a "HO"

ME: So call her and say something about it, please don't take it out on my computers . . . HP WILL NOT like my explanation for this.

USER: I didn't want to call her.

ME: And why not?

***WAIT ...

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CONVERSATION OF THE DAY

USER: I know you gave me this laptop this week, but it keeps dieing on me for no reason.
ME: Okay, are there any errors when this happens?
USER: I don't know, it only happens when I'm out to lunch.
ME: Do you close the lid to the laptop when you go to lunch?
USER: Yes, but that's only to keep the screen intact.
ME: I know what's wrong.
USER: What?
ME: It's suspending itself...
USER: From what?


Yes that's right a user asked me, "from what" haha. That's what you get I guess, the day in the life of an IT guy at a sales oriented company.

Conversation of the Day:

BOSS: Wes can you fix the board thingy in the education room?
ME: What happened to the board thingy?
BOSS: Amanda is trying to use the thing where she can write and everyone can see it.
ME: What?
BOSS: you know, the writing thing, nothing is showing up.
ME: I know I installed the connector. Explain to me, soooooo, nothing is coming out of the projector, or nothing is being written?
BOSS: What she writes doesn't show up.
ME: restart the computer
BOSS: That won't work.
ME: Why not?
BOSS: Because part of it is working.
ME: Which part, the screen or the writing software?
BOSS: Well there is nothing showing up.
ME: so the screen is not being projected.
BOSS: Well it is, but nothing is showing up.
ME: ggggeeeeeezzzz man just talk it out little by little and explain it to me ...

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conversation of the day:

USER'S BOSS: *over phone* can you come down to my office, one of my temps can't use the local admin password you gave them.
ME: This is the UN-NETWORKED COMPUTER, right?
USER'S BOSS: Yes, the temp computer she uses for data entry, the throwaway computer in the corner. Why can't she log in, we're using the password.
ME: Is the login screen set for "This Computer"?
USERS BOSS . . . TO USER: Is It?
USER: no
ME: Change that.
USERS BOSS: It still won't log in!!
ME: .........how did you spell "administrator"
USER'S BOSS: REALLY?.......A-D-M-I-N-I-S-T-R-A-T-E-R
ME: check your spelling, you spelled it wrong . . . call me if you have any other issues.
USER: oops my bad, it logged in now.
ME: (after hangup) Four More Days . . . Four More Days

Conversation of the day:

USER: "hey Wes I just got my new iPhone 4!!"
ME: "cool, let's check it out."
USER: "well I don't exactly have it here with me."
ME: "hows that?"
USER: "I haven't even seen it myself"
ME: "what?"
USER: "it's being shipped as we speak, and my neighbor is supposed to sign for it today."
ME: "so your neighbor has a new iPhone then."
USER: "no, it's my iPhone, my neighbor is just signing for it."
ME: "so your neighbor has a new iPhone then."
USER: "My neighbor would never do that, you think?"
ME: "you never know."
USER: "......I'm taking an early and a long lunch."